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Thirsty
Imagine a group of 10 people out in a desert. They are trekking over miles and miles and have no water or anything to drink. They are getting desperate. They are going to die of thirst.
And then they see it. A giant gatorade dispenser in the distance. The problem is that it will take all 10 of them to stack on top of each other in order to get the the gatorade and 3 of them are not interested in gatorade.
What? We’re dying out here.
Man, I can’t drink gatorade, it’s got too much sugar.
Wait, what?
Yeah, it’s water or nothing for me.
But… it’s gatorade or nothing. There is no water.
Well, one of the men says. And he pulls out a small canteen. I do have a small amount of water myself so I’m good for another few days. It’s out now but I’ve been drinking it.
And not sharing.
Man, listen, we’re all dying out here.
Ok, fine, can you at least help us get the gatorade? We have to have it. It’s gatorade or death.
Sorry, man, my conscience can’t handle giving you gatorade… it’s just not great for you.
But it’s better than NOTHING!!
Sorry.
—
It’s a ridiculous story, right?
Yet, I feel like it’s happening all around me: people sacrificing BETTER for PERFECT (or at least perfect in their heads).
BETTER requires us to acknowledge that neither choice is the PERFECT choice but PERFECT requires us to ignore everything that might be really really good and potentially end up with really really bad.
So yes, Biden is old and Israel and this… and that… He’s not PERFECT.
He’s 100 times BETTER than the alternative - unless you watch Fox News all day and have no idea of actual reality in which case the alternative is BETTER and ironically - for most of those people - Trump is not PERFECT but he’s BETTER. Maybe they’re the smarter ones after all.
50 things I've learned at 50.
I’m turning 50. Which is crazy but here’s 50 things I think I’ve learned in my first 50 years.
Octopi are incredibly smart. Wow. Nature is absolutely stunning. The more I see and learn of it the more I appreciate it and want to do everything I can to treat it as the magical gift it is.
But…it’s not so much “take care of the Earth” as it is “stop pissing it off”. I don’t think our 300,000 year old humanity is going to win a fight with the 4.5 billion year old Earth. Maybe that should become the new marketing slogan: Earth is gonna kick our ass if we don’t stop trying to destroy it.
I really can trust my creative gut more than I think. In the situations where I changed the way I did something because an expert told me how they did it, I usually found a different expert - later - who agreed with my original instinct and I went back to what I thought all along. (Again this is creative instincts I’m talking about here.)
Putting in that extra little pinch of 20% time and effort usually makes something 100% better. But putting in 100% more time and effort usually just wastes that time and effort. Keep finding that line.
There is nothing black and white. Everything is a spectrum. This includes sexuality, politics, faith, gender, truth and everything else. This is some of the best news out there. It means we all agree and we’re all similar… at least a tiny bit somehow.
The stories we tell ourselves can be really dangerous or amazing but they definitely matter in our relationships, jobs, perspectives, opportunities and, honestly, happiness… I’m way more aware of the stories and trying to be careful of the stories I start down.
Religion is a well. I learned this from Reza Aslan I believe. Religion is the well that gets us to the water. I expanded on that in my own head. So many people - I was once one of them - argue about wells, fight over wells, try to convince other people to try their well… and never drink any water because they’re so busy arguing, judging or convincing themselves and others about the well, they never actually use it. I try to get water from every and any well I find these days.
It’s just as absurd to believe in a god as it is to believe that the entire universe sparked from nothing. I still choose a god of some kind but I know it’s absurd. There was some latin phrase I think that once said I believe because it’s absurd. So that’s cool.
Being weird is not a real thing because being normal isn’t a real thing either. I think weird is a word invented by people who wish they were brave enough to be different but aren’t and want to make themselves feel better by calling the people who are different and authentic… weird. So basically weird is a word invented by jealous boring people so they feel good about being boring.
Inequality seems to be the root of 99% of problems in the world.
Everything is NOT possible. But lots more is possible than I think.
I don’t have all the time in the world but I do have more time than I think, especially when I’m experiencing “new” things which tends to slow time down.
I don’t know if time goes fast but I do know it never stops and that’s almost worse. It doesn’t take a break and it’s certainly not going to stop for me. But again, I can slow it down.
If you’re an artist of any kind - get to a city as fast as you can. I didn’t and I do regret it.
Regret has gotten a bad rap and it really shouldn’t have. It’s how we evolve and it can be used as a guide to the next decision and so much more. Pay attention to my regrets, and more importantly, to others.
Staying married for the kids, is not helping the kids. Just like not moving for the kids, is not helping the kids or making sure everything is safe for the kids does not help the kids. But, what does help the kids is giving them the ability to know what they want, why they want it and then operate out of that reality. This sounds like it will go bad, but most of the “bad” things we want, we don’t actually want, we just do because someone else wants it or we think we’re supposed to want it.
Social media can be so dangerous because it makes everything too easy. Too easy to stand for something, too easy to be a critic, too easy to think I have community, too easy to be an expert, too easy to advertise… Without the costs that have long been associated with these things, they lose their power because they lose our trust in them. Cost builds trust and social media has too little trust.
I don’t know if we make our own luck, if luck is destiny, or if luck is just pure chance, but I do know a lot of life is luck and the sooner we acknowledge that, the better off we’ll be. People who don’t acknowledge the role of luck, are generally not the kind of people I want to learn from.
I don’t know if history repeats itself, but I do know humanity has been susceptible to the same tricks since the first human started talking to another human. The more of these tricks I learn, the better.
Our brains have not evolved as fast as our environment. Knowing this, answers a lot of questions for me.
It’s always better to ask an honest question than give an emotional answer. A somewhat informed, honest question is even better.
I once heard that the three hardest things for a human to do are: Return love for hate, include the excluded and admit we were wrong. Yes, yes, yes.
The greatest legacy is planting a seed of evolution for humanity. I’ve heard stories of things that someone did in the 50’s for a kid, that ended up affecting a parent, that ended up affecting their kid, that ended up changing their kid in ways that are hard to fathom. That person from the 50’s doesn’t even know what tree there kindness seeds grew.
Oppressing others as payback for once being oppressed will never get the world anywhere. I realize this is really easy to say especially from a person whose people have never been oppressed - but that doesn’t make it less true - which is also part of the problem.
I can’t judge words to be true (or not) just because of the person saying them.
The more someone has to convince me of something, the less chance that something is true. Beautiful things don’t ask for attention.
Despite me saying “I know” a lot , I really don’t know. No one really knows anything but that’s cool because it means I can keep learning and asking and asking other people to ask.
Weed is better than alcohol on many occasions.
Being “too busy” is not anything I want to say out loud again. To think I used to brag about that. To think that some still do. If I’m too busy to exercise, meditate, go on a trip, be with friends, relax, do nothing, watch a show, have fun… then “too busy” sucks. So responding with too busy is basically me saying my life sucks. If I’m tempted to say it, I need to change something. On a related note, saying “I’m powering through” when coming to work coughing and blowing your nose is not impressive in any way. Stay hame and get better. In short, it’s okay to show weakness.
Lots of people are alive but far less are living. Gotta live.
If “assume” really does make an ass out of u and me well then… wow there are a lot of asses out there, including me. The moment I’m angry, pissed off, jealous, or calling someone an idiot, I wonder if I should first ask what I am assuming about a person or situation.
For every book about negations, and persuasion, and sales, and marketing - god I’ve read a lot of them - at the end of the day, I’m still not sure if I’ve learned much beyond be honest, genuine, vulnerable, interesting and interested, and ask questions… and it kinda works.
Be less offended. Be less offensive. Wow, that does a lot.
Masterclass is way underrated. Or, at least, it was to me. Worth more than the money they charge. It’s like everything I once wanted from “experts” on social media but it’s from actual experts who aren’t saying things to get likes or follows but just because they learned it and it benefited them and they think it will benefit me. (And the get paid from Masterclass :)
No one gets to have it all. No one “wins”. It’s impossible to have all the experiences. So, instead of being upset of the experiences I can’t have or don’t have that others get to, be grateful for the ones I got to have and get to have.
You can always look up or look down. Both have their value. One gives you something to shoot for and the others gives you something to be thankful for.
Parents can really screw up kids - when they view them as a redo for themselves, or a reminder of themselves, instead of a new perspective and life to watch and learn from. Kids also just keeping getting better every day, from the day they are born, on.
Being in the moment is amazing and I value it so much. But being aware of long term consequences over short term thrills in said moment is also the sign of a mature, evolved, successful, happy, and well functioning brain. And society.
There are no evil people - only evil stories that did affect and do affect people, and that is way scarier than evil people. Evil stories can and do affect good people. Gotta change those stories.
Many people who don’t have money, overvalue it, and many people who do have money, undervalue it, but that’s a lot of life - we forget how bad we wanted something or needed it - once we get it. I’m trying to not overvalue money. Money can do weird things with people who do.
I’m not saying trauma and diet are responsible for all of our health problems but I do believe if we took care of our traumas and our diets in our selves and our society, our healthcare system and results would look drastically, drastically, unrecognizably, different.
Travel makes me better. I think it makes most people better if they let it. Experiences over stuff, every time. Travel, it seems, is also one of the least expensive things that people think is so expensive and thus, they seem to get really jealous of people who travel. Which is fine, hopefully the jealousy gets them moving, because, again, there are lots of ways to do it that don’t require lots of money. In short, travel is one of the greatest investments one can make in themselves.
Dunning Kruger is the single most important idea I’ve ever heard that continues to make sense with the world I see - if someone is not smart enough to know they don’t know, then they think they know. I only know what I don’t know if I know enough to know that I don’t know. Oh it’s so fun.
Every animal experiences fear. It’s not a bad thing. Not many animals dwell on the fear before it comes or after its left though. That’s the challenge.
Sports’s really can be powerful despite all the problems. I was in an airport and talked to four strangers for a long time because we were wearing the same team colors. They get a bad rap, for some good reasons, but that competitive and primitive tribal instinct really can do magical things.
News increases anxiety. No news decreases it. My news is very filtered now and like Trevor Noah said, I may have less information but I’m not less informed.
The best diet advice - eat real food, mostly plants, and not too much. Michael Polan said that and it just keeps holding up, through every fad. I’m a big fan of it for my own health, planet health and animal health.
I am not alone. You are not alone. But feeling alone is the worst possible and most destructive feeling there is. If I ever think someone feels alone, make sure they know they are not.
Stop hiding. I’ve read all kinds of stuff on shadow, ego, true self, my god it’s all so good but I think I can somewhat boil it down to this: stop hiding who I am. So many of us are still acting somehow or someway, hiding behind a mask, a uniform, or something else. It’s time to stop. Let it shine yo. (You do have to know who you are first though, which can be a challenge.)
Anthony deMello - he is the best for any kind of spiritual anything. He freaking rocks. If you can find his 8 hours recording on Awareness, listen to it all and you’ll never be the same. I’ve listened to it multiple times over the past 15 years and there’s nothing better or nothing that sums up my spiritual views of the world more. (If you really want it, I have it and will send it to you.) Or just get a book of his, a recording, anything. You’ll be better for it!
Here’s to the next 50 - and with all this longevity stuff coming along, those next 50 can be awesome.
WE COULD HAVE BEEN
It’s so easy to look back and think wow, we could have been…
If my parents had…
If my friends had…
If I had…
I don’t know what your first thought is when you read that but it’s interesting to think about.
Do you read that with a small amount of regret and/or bitterness or with a small amount of gratefulness and/or overwhelming thought of being lucky?
It can always go both ways.
4 Parties
There are 4 parties in this country, under the guise of 2. And that seems to be creating all of the problems.
MAGA. This is no longer a Conservative Party. It’s become its own thing under Trump and does not hold to much of what Conservatives think.
Conservative. This is the standard “Republican” party. They think but lean conservative.
Liberal. The standard “Democrat” party. They link but link liberal.
WOKE. I’m using the word “woke” because it’s seems to work and Bill Maher used it first.
In the same way most Conservatives do not believe the election was stolen, most liberals do not believe that kids should have free access to transition surgeries without parental support at 5 years old
You get the idea.
I’ve found it really nice to throw this out to Conservatives. Most agree and then we can suddenly have a common conversation about the wackiness of the MAGA/WOKE crowd and find that we agree quite a bit.
My current BIG complaint that I could be wrong on.
I believe most liberals would vote for a conservative over a WOKE candidate. I believe most conservatives would NOT do the same. It does suck that we have to choose between either but the fact that most conservatives support Trump indicates they can’t choose a Liberal candidate (Biden) over Trump. Either the MAGA have done a better job lambasting the Woke (I think that’s true) or conservatives are just more frightened of liberals (I don’t think that’s true.)
No matter, can you imagine these 4 parties? Agree? Disagree?
FOMO.
FOMO is not a real thing. So, we can all let the idea go.
A choice, by its very nature is choosing one thing over another, which means every choice comes with missing out on another choice.
So there is no fear of missing out, there is only choosing what you want to miss out on in favor of what you want to experience.
That’s nice.
free will.
Does a chimpanzee in a cage have free will? Yes, it can choose whether to eat the banana or drink the water in the cage but it can’t choose to leave.
It feels like in our discussions around free will we talk a lot about whether we can make a choice but not the spectrum of choices offered to us.
Would it be more helpful to talk about what we’re allowed to choose more than whether we can or not?
Bus or Car?
It seems there are two kinds of ways to look at the world: bus and car.
A bus person doesn’t get to choose their own climate, their own music, or even the journey they take to get to their destination. They are with others…. the happiness of the bus is more important than the happiness of the individual. But, in return, it’s more relaxing, the person on the bus doesn’t have to be as concerned about the weather, the traffic, the engine, the… anything… they get to ride with others.
The car person gets to choose everything. Their own climate, music, path, timing, but in exchange they have to responsible for driving. They have to pay attention, they can’t drink, they can’t sleep or lose focus.
The only danger with any of this is that you can’t have both.
You can’t get everything you want individually and not be responsible and, on the flip side, you can not be responsible and not give up the control of something.
You a bus or car person?
The 1975 Fooled Me. And Inspired Me.
The fame and I went to The 1975 Concert in Seattle last week and wow… if you plan on going, warning, SPOILER ALERT.
First, I love The 1975 - they are my top band from 2022. I listen to them a lot and somehow convinced the whole family that they should like them too. You know I’m convincing like that. : )
But, here’s the short story - and this is not about music because, of course, the music was great.
Matty Healy - lead singer has been very vocal about a heroin addiction and the band coming to him one night and telling him - no more - and the subsequent rehab. He’s been clean for around 3 years maybe?
So, the concert begins and Matty is off. The whole family notices. He slurring his speech, he's drinking out of a flask, he’s mumbling incoherent things when he does talk - which is basically never, and he’s stumbling around. The band looks disgusted.
The whole family is talking about. I’m feeling terrible for bringing them to the show and we’re saying, get your phone out we might see him literally fall off the stage.
And then… about 1/2 way through - yeah it went like this for about an hour - everyone leaves and he starts talking about masculinity. Right wing masculinity and left wing masculinity. He then slumps on a couch, starts to touch himself and then moves to all these televisions with right wing personalities talking. He starts doing push-ups and then crawls into the tv.
Lights go out.
About five minutes before this I say to the family, “Oh my god, this is a fucking play.”
He comes out after going into the tv in a suit, the whole stage they were playing in is brighter and all the band is cleaned up. He’s smiling, he’s saying “Hello Seattle!” and I can’t tell you the relief that swept through the crowd and the subsequent dancing and sheer happiness that permeated everything for the remainder of the set.
And I don’t really have a big epiphany but I do have this: there are really dark things in this world. People suffering. Tragedy. And there are really good things in this world. Happy things. People being okay. And wow, there’s a big difference and part of that difference is just wanting humanity to be “okay”.
I wish someone would do a detailed analysis of the entire concert, b/c I don’t have the time.
Sometimes I think I can forget the good things. I mean, yes, I know they’re there but with the news and the weather and the whatever… we just forget how happy it is to see a human who has overcome addiction and smiling and jumping around and interacting with… me… it’s beautiful.
Also bias is nuts.
I don’t know how much the whole family read into the thing. I’ve watched the show from Madison Square Garden and it doesn’t seem like he’s nearly as drunk in the first half - did we see it that way or did he act more in Seattle?
I guess I’ll never know.
But, damn what a show.
open carry.
Why is it that it’s easier in Washington State to carry a weapon in public than it is to carry a beer?
I think I have an idea for a new initiative. Be on the look out for something to sign.
revenge
Joseph might be one of the greatest of the ancient stories. the thing I love about it how creative and, kind, revenge can be.
Let’s be real, Joseph was cool to his shithead brothers who sold him into slavery. And little did they know he would be accused of going full Jerry Falwell Jr. pool boy (OM if you haven’t seen God Forbid - you HAVE TO!) on a dude’s wife which would land him in jail and then he would interpret dreams and…. yeah… it’s quite a story.
But the best part is when he could wipe out his bros and really make them feel real bad for being assholes, he didn’t.
But, even better, he still came up with a really elaborate plan to hoodwink these dudes and really make them suffer for a bit. I mean he was still full of grace and love but also full of creativity and, you know, drawing this thing out a bit.
So… in the end, I think that’s why we love it. It shows a different way between full out “gonna kill you motherfucker” and “doormat” which is “definitely going to put some effort into getting you scared but still going to love you and be kind in the end.
Beautiful.
flood
The flood. Noah’s ark. Good lord, what a shit show. I mean seriously that story is off the carts ridiculous - more than any other.
Which proves one big thing:
First, though, every religion wants its own story about its own god and will copy others to make it so. This flood story has been around the block so let’s not get too excited.
But, most importantly, the flood story proves…
The, off-the-charts, amazing, sometimes ludicrous and desperate measures some modern religious people will go to make ancient stories literal. There’s a museum dedicated to Noah’s Ark for fuck’s sake. People visit this place. We know people that have.
Are you kidding me?
How did all of the animals traverse the distance? Think about a grizzly bear traversing down to… Mesopotamia? And a polar bear? And were saber tooth tigers alive?
Let’s say they made it. How did these animals (that survive on each other) not kill each other?
Let’s say they didn’t kill each other? How did they eat? All the different foods they would need?
Let’s say they were fed. How did they manage cold/hot/humid…. all the environments the would need.
Let’s say there was a miracle… how about the animals with lifespans way less than 40 days?
Let’s say they did survive. Some might say… well…. there didn’t need to be that many species because all the others came from those foundational species? Like evolution? In under 10,000 years?
My god, this is fucking absolutely nuts to literally believe. And yet… so many do…
Alright, so ignore that for a second. More importantly, what’s the story saying?
Nature is wild. It does sometimes create massive floods and mass extinctions. And yet, as crazy as nature is, life is more wild. It always survives. Damn.
And then there’s this lesson: sometimes the biggest mistake someone can make in life is laughing at someone for what you think is the biggest mistake of their life.
cain and abel.
This story is mostly known for its line of “am I my brother’s keeper?” which is kind of a bad ass line to throw back at “GOD”.
Hey, where’s your bro?
What’s it’s to you GOD, am I supposed to take care of this bastard?
Okay, but the bigger point of this story: these two dudes are making sacrifices to God (problem #1 ) and God looks at Abel’s sacrifice as a better one.
Let’s pause here. How does anyone know that “God” appreciates that sacrifice more? Did God come down and say hey, this sacrifice is bad ass and yours kinda sucks.
Nah… you got Abel talking all kinds of shit to his brother about how awesome his sacrifice is compared to Cain’s. Dude you’re bringing wheat… hahahaha what a loser…. I’m bringing fat from my sheep and it’s way better than your stupid veggies.
Side note: it’s like a keto dude telling the vegan how stupid he is.
So, what’s this story about? Stop bragging to humans about how great you think you are and how much better you think are you with your sacrifices to gods. It gives them a good reason to want to take you down because you sound like an asshole.
Cain kills his bro. And he’s real sad about it. And God says nobody better touch this dude or the vengeance will be 7 times greater. In essence, listen you’re never justified to kill someone but also your brother was an asshole bragging about how much better he thought he was than you and also people please stop killing people altogether.
So, this: don’t think you have this god/mystery/religious stuff figured out. Don't brag about how you do. You don’t and instead of helping the world it only makes it worse.
defense matters too
It’s World Cup season and I’m loving it - again. Why do I love World Cup so much? God, I love it.
But, got me thinking about all the people who rag on soccer (football) being too boring because there’s no scoring. Sure, but that’s only if scoring is what makes a game entertaining right?
And I get that generally it is but that’s only because we’ve been told that. I mean how about an amazing defense that doesn’t let an opponent score? Why is that any less amazing than an amazing offense? It feels we’re very susceptible - as humans - to always be drawn to the flashy shiny thing that scores vs the one that often wins, even if it is in a less exciting form.
three big creation ideas
Hearing Bono talk about Psalms the other day, made me miss the Bible in a way. Yeah shocking. Truly. But after leaving Christianity and general religion, I feel like there is some freedom to approach the stories like I would any story and that can be, I say can be, kinda fun.
So, if you ask me, the creation story teaches us 3 things.
There’s something universal in the DNA of our reality that the human species needs another humans. It doesn’t work without relationship.
There’s something universal in the DNA of our reality that seeking knowledge is really really dangerous and can destroy us.
There’s something universal in the DNA of our reality that hiding our vulnerabilities and shame instead of opening up to other humans with it, and acknowledging it’s okay that we don’t know to other humans, is also very destructive.
my first rule to make the world better.
I just came across this article. Man, do I love Formula 1 and man, do I love Charles Leclerc who had his watch recently stolen in Italy.
The thing is, his watch costs $320,000.
$320,000 for a watch.
So here’s my first rule to make the world a better place.
No one on earth should ever be allowed to own a watch that is worth $320,000. Ever, but especially when almost 700 million people live in extreme poverty (les than $1.90/day)
No one can convince me otherwise.
Sorry Charles. Love you, but…
how do you trust?
You know that feeling when you and your friends are arguing about something trivial like when an album came out and everyone is 100% sure of the year, even though they are different years, and someone finally says, google it.
Google confirms one side’s opinion and you would think they had just won the Super Bowl. Yes! I was right!
God it feels good to be right, doesn’t it?
Side note: I sometimes have this thought that much of religion is belief in a final “I’ll be right.” In other words, so much of the motive is that I will get to Heaven, see my mean neighbor who is going to Hell, and get to say “See, I was right!”
Side side note: This is much of the vaccine stuff. See, I was right. Except, most people don’t ever get it. If you didn’t get vaccinated and end up super sick, you get to say “I was right” and if you did get vaccinated and didn’t end up super sick you also get to say “See, I was right.” An interesting question is: when do I get to say I was right?
Which brings us back to Google. Right now, the vast majority of Americans trust that when you google when did Hysteria come out, you get the “true” answer. But, why do we trust Google? We don’t trust it for “Are vaccines safe?” or “Is COVID dangerous?” but maybe because those are “opinions” and the date of an album release is a “fact” which brings up what the hell is the difference, sometimes, in a fact and an opinion? The world being round seems pretty factual but there are thousands of people who think it is not.
Which brings us to… how do you trust? I have some friends that tell me they don’t trust anyone… which sounds good but is impossible. If you don’t trust anyone, do you trust the people that tell you not to trust anyone? How do you trust? How do I trust? It got me thinking… honestly, how do I decide who or what to trust?
I came up with 10 general guidelines - which I’m not saying are right - and none of them are foolproof by any stretch, but I’m generally curious what yours are.
Educations/experts. I generally trust a pilot on how to fly a plane more than someone who read about planes on Facebook. I get that “experts” disagree on many things so this one doesn’t go very far.
Fat Stacks. Of course, everyone has money involved but if someone is making money directly because of what they are trying to convince me of I’m less trustworthy.
Makes Sense. This one is also vague and subjective but it’s kinda the Occam’s razor rule. I mean a global conspiracy involving every government to make money for big Pharma generally makes less sense than a virus mutating from an animal to a human.
Jackaass. Also vague but if a jackass is trying to convince me of something, I generally don’t believe it. If the person is kind, I’m more willing to listen.
Consistent. If someone tells me that Hitler is still alive and that I should eat snow to cure a fever, I’m much less likely to trust the snow thing - because Hitler is 99.99999% not alive.
Lazy. Related to the above… if someone is really adamant about something that takes about 10 seconds to google (assuming we can trust google at some level) to learn why that thing is not true…. I’m less trustworthy of anything else they say.
Majority. I generally trust fact checking, peer reviews, and research only because I generally trust a scientific or journalistic majority. I know this is very scary - especially if you don’t trust majorities - but I just personally do trust the majority of experts for many of the reasons above.
Balance. I feel like facts balance this weird line of opposing forces of evolution and consistency. If it’s too stuck, I mistrust it, but also if it’s too out there (from what has been consistent) I tend to be suspicious. In other words, it seems like we learn at a nice pace for the most part - if someone is saying we haven’t learned anything in a thousand years and it’s all the exact same or someone is saying that everything we believed for a thousands years has been a complete and utter lie, those get hard.
History. I love reading history. It seems like a lot of the things I don’t trust, are things I don’t trust because people didn't trust the same thing 1,000 years ago and, even if they have not been proven in their mistrust, they sure haven’t been proven right.
More. This might be my most important gauge. I generally trust things that benefit more people than those that benefit less, especially if it’s only the individual saying it who gets the benefit. This one is really important to me. The less people that benefit the more suspect I am.
Finally, it’s worth repeating… trust is a scale, not a yes or no. I’m not sure I trust much at 100% or 0% but 75 to 80% seems pretty solid.
Alright, those are somewhat off the top of my head and I’ll stop there. What you got?
is sympathy a limited resource?
After another news story of an outspoken anti-vaxer politician dying of COVID in Orange County I noticed someone’s response was “tested negative for sympathy”.
I laughed. Shortly after, my wife was telling me a story of a couple who is struggling with their new baby and trying to figure out whether they should stay together, what’s going to happen to the baby, etc… and my response - without thinking much - was “have they heard of birth control?”
My wife didn’t appreciate the response and I later apologized. It wasn't my best response but it did tap into something I’m feeling: I’ve got limited sympathy.
I don’t know if it’s true or not, but it sure feels like my sympathy runs out. And if it does, I start to ration it. Or determine where to throw it.
And when that happens I start to gauge consequences and who deserves certain things and who doesn’t it and… honestly another friend was just diagnosed with cancer and, though I’m sure, maybe, there is some human action that affected that cancer at some point, it sure doesn’t seem the same as someone who refuses a vaccine and then dies of COVID.
Actions have consequences, we say. But I’ve done actions that should have had bad consequences and didn’t. And some people do actions that should create great actions, and don’t.
And all of this is dangerous, I admit. And I don’t really like it.
So, I don’t know if sympathy is a limited resource or not. But I do know it feels like it is.
So show yourself some sympathy - for those occasional outbursts - and I guess, keep seeking more sympathy from wherever you can find it. It may be limited but I’m sure there’s more I can find at the same time.
10 ways to make every day better.
It seems to be the theme of 2022, to steal other people’s ideas and make them my own. After reading the Guardian’s 100 ways to improve your life without really trying, I decided to have 10 ways to make every day better.
If you’re a coffee fan, buy an espresso maker. Or persuade your company to. It feels like a vacation to go into your own kitchen, or your work kitchen, at 2:30pm (Fika) and have a little espresso with some almond milk foam - preferably with someone else you can chat with - for a bit.
Start learning a language. If you took one in High School, I highly recommend getting Duolingo and starting that one up again. I’ve tried a few languages and I’m having the most fun picking French back up. It’s free, it helps your brain, you’ll be surprised how much you remember, and it’s way better than looking at social media or news stories. You can learn a little every day - that in itself is incredible.
Write a blog, or a note, or something. (See that’s what this is. It’s making my day better.) Honestly, we all have ideas every day, some better than others, but write them down somewhere and, preferably, share them with someone, even if it’s the endless void of the internet. It’ll make you feel better.
Go outside. Doesn’t matter the weather, doesn’t matter how long, doesn’t matter what you do. Just get outside and breathe in fresh air, not on the way to your car or somewhere else. This is going outside only to go outside.
Make a meal. If you don’t normally cook, even better. Find a meal you think you would love, purchase the ingredients, think about it, and then put on some music and cook it for lunch or dinner or breakfast. Then do it again the next day.
Purchase some nice soap. Is this strange? Maybe. But think how often you smell that stuff you put on your hands and what if that smell just brings a nice little smile to your face instead of apathy? I mean a nice soap (preferably without all the crap chemicals and sustainably sourced) that smells so right is just so worth it. If you work in a public spot, you can bring the soap and share it, which is a two-for-one make your day better - nice soap and sharing.
If you can, get the temperature right. If you like it hot, get hot. If you like it cold, get cold. Buy a space heater, open a window, get a warmer pair of socks… I don’t know what you need to do but damn, living and working in the right temperature is not thought about near enough compared to “saving money”. If you’re struggling with bills and can’t do this because money is a problem, write me. I’m serious.
Meditate. Yes, you knew it would be on here because it’s on every single damn list of how to make your day better and yet, it’s so hard to do for us and I don’t know why… try the calm or headspace or whatever… just see if it helps… confession: I need to do better at this one. I do it for a while and always end up breaking my streak.
Text or call 5 people. There’s something about this number that is important. Just tell them hi, or thinking about them, or whatever… and 5 is important. maybe 5 just raises the odds of one of them being interested in talking back or of needing the text/call at that moment, or maybe just the fact that you brightened up (a little) the day of 5 human beings just always has a pretty great affect.
Stop doing what you’re doing. No matter what it is, how absolutely necessary it is, or how fun, just stop it and try something else. At some point. Not because you have to, or because someone else is forcing you to, but because you… can. Change is important. Integrating change into every day is important. Changing something bad, changing something good, changing for a long time or a short time or… it doesn’t matter. Changing a posture, or a way you drive to work, or what you do before bed, or when waking up, or when answering an email, or when reading twitter, or when picking up your phone, or the coffee shop you always go to, or the book you always read, or whatever it is… just change something.
A life. Or 13.
Wow, just finished The Rescue. I thought I knew the story but I was absolutely blown away by the details of this story. Unbelievable. Amazing.
Without giving away all the details, what really got my brain spinning was the amount of effort that was put in - hundreds of people from countless countries, military personnel, volunteers, experts, and countless dollars to try and save 13 people - 12 kids.
Weeks of effort for 13 people. These 13 people captured the world’s attention - and granted the story was worthy of lots of attention - 12 kids and their coach trapped in a cave with rising water and almost impossible to get to.
But, again, 13 people. I don’t know how many are dying from COVID every day right now but last I checked it was over a 1,000 every day in the U.S. alone.
I mentioned I’m reading a book about WWII right now and the way that human life is treated is just hard to fathom. It’s as close to meaningless as one could get.
And there are, of course, civil wars right now, famine, other diseases, the list goes on and on and on… and the world chose to dedicate almost everything it had to save 12 kids and a coach?
It’s enough to get your head spinning.
But, rather than just spin, I want to take something from it. And I take this.
Okay, wait, first, the expert cave divers that were brought from all over the world were the kids that couldn’t make the soccer team, and the rugby team, and the cricket team… proving once again that High School is the worst possible proving ground of success every invented.
But, I take this: if we could only start to care about every human life with a fraction of how we cared for those kids what would it mean for COVID, climate change, immigration, prison system reform, health system, and on and on and on and on.
In a world constantly tempting us to minimize a human life, I think that’s the goal is to maximize it.