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questions vs answers

I met with a young man who was trying to get some dating advice: not that I'm anyone to get dating advice from, but still...

To make a long story short, the he kept saying "should I ask her..." and "when do I ask her..." and "do you think she'll say..." 

Now this is not every case, but for this young man, questions were a way of putting all the responsibility on her. All the risk of failure. All the vulnerability. To make her own it. 

At one point in our conversation, I said, why are you still asking her questions? Why don't you start helping her come up with the answer you want her to? 

Not too much later, my wife and I were talking about writing an editor with all kinds of questions... would you be interested in, would you be willing to... do-something-very-general-with-our-company-blah-blah-blah... and it struck me in the same way.

Why don't we start helping them come up with the answer we want them to? 

We don't because it means more vulnerability on our part, more risk, and more time thinking about what we actually want.. and how to get there... and then the risk of all that time we spent thinking and planning not paying off. 

But that's where I'm learning the real juice is.  

persistence

cul de sac*