sane and kind.
Well, that was tough. Hard. I cried five times yesterday, once with my daughter on the phone. I guess I was prepared this could happen but was hoping it wouldn’t. I believed I lived in a country that valued morals over “money”*, principles over “power”*, competency over conspiracy, and just common decency over depravity but… here we are. Egg prices have taken out every incumbent party in just about every country since the pandemic* and I guess they got us here too.
I had a plan to try and cope (when I didn’t know the outcome) and I guess it’s time to implement it. Some might say I’m burying my head in the sand, and some might say I’m becoming more enlightened—that this is where I should have been all along. I do tend to think it’s more the second one. But, either way, I just gotta stay sane—and kind—at this point.
So here’s what I’m doing.
Stage One
Yesterday, I kept saying, “I don’t care.” I think that was just anger.
Today, I’m more focused on energy. Where am I giving it that I shouldn’t? And where am I not giving it, that I should?
Give Less Energy to:
America (as in the construct that’s a group of people built around a shared—though not so much anymore—story). I’m giving much less energy to trying to hold this thing together or make it into what I think it should be. I’ve never been a flag waver but it’s still been something I believed in somehow. In wrong ways. The construct can go….
Politics. I’ve always believed politics affects almost every second of my life—and, more importantly, affects others in very hard ways. Still do. But I’m taking a break. Seems I’ve cared too much about stuff for people who don’t. Maybe I got too far into the weeds.
Big global stories. The war in Ukraine. The war in Gaza. I’m deeply interested in what’s happening in other countries, but carrying that burden with so much energy? No. Again, seems like I was off - carrying it more than many it affected more directly.
Sites. News and Social Media. I’ve used porn blockers to block all news sites—which are kinda like porn: explicit and meant to get us all excited—on all my devices (which is hard for me). I’ve also blocked social media sites, etc. If I post it will be through an app so as to not get into the mess of it. My Apple News feed is now just about octopi, design, art, and, of course, F1. I hope to be the guy who, when someone says, “Hey, did you hear...?” can answer, “No.” That’s never been me. But it’s time. I think I got too deep in—too addicted—too unable to see the things I needed to see. Who am I kidding? Friends will send stuff and I’ll hear it, but the attempt will be there.
All of this is for Stage Two:
Put More Energy Into:
Powerful women. I’m talking about the kind who move this world and should be leading it. My daughters. My wife. The millions more. These are women who are intelligent, wise, care so much about those around them, and yet they feel defeated. How can I make them feel more heard, more seen? Not that they need me—but maybe they do, considering the way men continue to run this world. How can I help them get more power?
Men. We’re in a tough moment with men who are struggling to balance masculinity and vulnerability and the feminine. From stats and stories, and anecdotally, they seem lonely, off, and afraid. I had a friend who knew someone that knocked on doors in Wisconsin, and every young man she met at the door said “fuck that bitch” about Harris. What is that? They act brave, but they’re so afraid of losing some piece of masculinity that they’re not as powerful as they want to be. The role models seem awful. More energy into helping men be as powerful as they pretend to be.
People leaving or who have left Christianity. This religion is killing us. I think there will be a mass exodus again because of the hypocrisy. Christians (specifically evangelicals) chose Caesar over love. Again. Just like their Pharisee role models 2000 years ago. They continue to subdue women, immigrants… it just goes on and on. If you’re not feeling right with it, get out! If you’re already out, let’s talk. You did the right thing. There is still a spiritual world—more of one, actually—and I’m looking forward to putting more energy into coaching and maybe creating a community with the “nones.”
Those in my zone. Since Tuesday, I’ve talked to a lot of people about a lot of things—friends, family, my cousin in Pennsylvania, and the people who work in our apartment—and it has been beautiful. I probably should have been here all along—more laser-focused on my surroundings and the people in them than lost in the clouds of global-scale politics. My energy is shifting to my spheres of contact and, of course, to the ones (especially the marginalized) that are scared, nervous and anxious in that sphere - of which there are plenty. My wife just ran into a man on the elevator delivering groceries today who started crying and said he was “terrified” in broken English.
Myself. I want to take a deep look at myself, find where my biases are, where I assume things I shouldn’t, and where, frankly, I’m just wrong. How do I stay clear of that temptation for the ideas of power and money? How do I stay kind? How do I move through this world with better, more impactful justice and love?
My cousin, who is a teacher and a mom to two little girls, said this:
How can we teach kids love is greater than hate when hate keeps winning?
That’s the question, isn’t it?
That’s the one that needs energy.