cool vs good

You know how the “bad boy” has historically been the “cool guy” and the “good guy” has generally been the one that the “cool girls” aren’t that interested in?

Movies and shows exaggerate it, of course, but I assume, we’ve all felt it at some time, (especially if you went to High School) the good vs cool polarization and opposite temptations. (And it extends to all kinds of aspects of life.)

I’ll be honest, if I look back on any parts of my past and feel shame or embarrassment or regret, or whatever, it’s usually around not coming off as, or not being, cool. It’s much more rarely about not being good - and the times it was not about being good, it was often about not being cool… (keep reading). I’d say that there’s still more of an emphasis circulating around me of being cool more than being good.

I’ll stop here for a second. But Ryan, you grew up in a world where you were supposed to be a good boy by not doing these things and doing these things. How can you even say that?

Both words are pretty subjective. And I’d say both are pretty dependent on some kind of tribe. And they aren’t diametrically opposed or antithetical to each other: it’s of course possible to be cool and good.

If I had to define them, in really general terms, I’d say cool seems to lean tribal, and good (at its best) seems to lean global and we’d all rather be in a smaller specific tribe than a bigger ambiguous one - they offer more safety.

So, how many of those times when I was told to be a good boy - if I look back - I was actually being told to be a cool boy. Yeah, don’t have sex that’s what good Christian boys do. (Or is it what cool Christian boys do?)

What’s any of this matter? Well, if you’re like me at all (and I know lots of people aren’t) it’s easy to get sucked into the cool vacuum. Buy this, wear this, do this, say this, post this… and of course, the “buy this” is different for every tribe… but the big capitalism tribe is more than fine with the smaller tribes that support it. It’s also easy to sometimes feel “not enough” not because you didn’t do the right thing for humanity but because you didn’t fit in somewhere at some time. It’s easy to be tempted to make sure that doesn’t happen again by being devoted to cool - according to some tribe.

Just to reiterate, get the old stereotypes of both words out of your system. “Cool Christians” might post Bible verses and “Cool Atheists” might post about the danger of religion and good Christians might lead civil rights movements in America and good Atheists might start homeless shelters. The cool versions may still be more accepted by the tribes than the good.

(Side note: interesting that the vast majority of the Christian councils over the centuries have been arguments over theological issues that have nothing to do with morality. In other words, they’ve been tribal “cool” definitions and not “good” definitions, which is probably why so many of them resulted in killing each other.)

Hopefully this makes some sense. Maybe I can say it this way: it’s easy to look to the past, be in the present, and think about the future with the “cool” lens. This can result in a variety of anxieties and stresses. (For me.) It’s harder to look to the past, be in the present, and think about the future with the “good” lens. And maybe it’s because we’ve been inundated with propaganda about cool and not as much about good.

All that to say, I think I need to spend more time on good and less on cool, even if I’m not sure exactly what that really means.